Escape
by UmbriFiica
Summary: It was more than a dream, but no one ever believed her. Now a grown woman, will she have the chance to return to Wonderland? And what will happen if she makes it there? NOT FINISHED T for abuse, violence, etc.
1. Chapter One

I do not remember much from the day my parents brought me here. If I thought the gates frightening, or the building beautiful, I could not tell you. I do know it was very late when I arrived – or perhaps it was very early. Whichever it was, I recall being glad of the darkness. The dark has been my friend for a while now. It hides me, keeps me safe from those who would hurt me. It kept prying eyes from me when I would sneak out to the rabbit hole. It listens to my tales and does not censure me, to my secrets and does not betray me, to my confessions and does not condemn me. The dark comforts me when I cry. Truly, the only better friends I have are in . . . well, I do not want to think of them right now.

I say my parents brought me here, but that is not quite the truth. My father was the one who brought me most of the way before turning me over to the driver of the carriage. Well, it was more of a hansom cab really. Or maybe it wasn't. It does not really matter I suppose. The point is, my parents had stopped caring for me long before they sent me away. I know because my mother had not looked at me for quite some time, and my father only spoke to me when necessary. And when he was beating me. I suppose caning would be the more proper term, but beating is truer to the action's form. The most telling evidence though – at least in my mind – is the manner in which they sent me away. Without any emotion but relief, without regard for my well-being, without a scrap of parental affection. They could not even pretend that it was for my own good. Yes, they thought me mad, but it was for their own peace of mind and societal standing that they sent me here. Apparently, it does not put one in good standing with the neighbors to have a grown daughter running around like something wild, always talking about impossible things. And what is adorable at seven is not at all admirable in a young woman. I tried to write them once, but the letter was returned to me with a request that I leave Mr. and Mrs. L– in peace; they had suffered quite enough with their daughter's death, and it was a cruel joke to write them as though I were the child they had recently lost. I had wondered what they would tell people about my absence, but I never thought they would say I had died. I had hoped the story would spread that I had run away, thereby enabling me to return home at some point in the future. I suppose my parents felt differently about the situation than I did. My parents abandoned me here, content to never see or hear from me again. It was my seventeenth birthday.


	2. Chapter Two

It is always cold in the Asylum. Except for when it is hot, of course. But it is cold more often than hot. I wrap my tattered blanket around me as tightly as I can, ignoring the pain that lingers from my recent "treatment". Pain is my ever present companion these days; since the doctors have labeled me an incurable liar, they do not care what the orderlies do to me. More often than not, they join in. I serve as an example too many of the inmates – behave, or this could be you. I am told that several patients have been cured thanks to my "open therapy sessions." Doctors bringing patients in to see me tortured. I should be paid, I am such a valuable tool. But even if I were, it would do me no good. The only escape from this hell is death – or madness, but that is not an option any more. According to everyone here, I am already mad. I have tried to run away, but I was caught every time. Unless someone comes to get me, I will only be able to leave this place when I die. Even then, my body will most likely remain on the property, in the asylum's private graveyard. If only there was a rabbit hole in this God-forsaken place! But my Rabbit does not know where I am, and besides, I am not allowed outside the building anymore. The only thing that gives me hope is the thought that Rabbit is looking for me. I know if he found me I could leave with him.

I think about Wonderland every day. It is the reason I am here, and my only hope of escape. It is my true home, the one place I belong. That is the only good thing that has come from my time here. Before the Asylum, I thought the reason I spent so much time in Wonderland was because I had the best friends there, but not really anything else. Now I know better. Every day I spend away from Wonderland, I hear its call more keenly. It wants me back, and I want to be back. I want to run through the maze, tease the flowers, go swimming in the Pool of Tears. I miss the smell of Caterpillar's hookah, Cheshire Cat's grin, Rabbit's constant cries of "I'm late!" I could do without meeting the Queen of Hearts, or the Duchess, but I would like to see the White Queen of Looking-Glass Land. But most of all, I miss the tea party. Our mad tea party. Dormouse had almost finished his story when I was there last. We didn't notice when he fell asleep though. I had finally convinced Hare that it was alright to wash dishes at tea time. Hatter did not want to help, of course, and was trying to take a nap under one of the trees. Or maybe he was supervising Hare and me, bossing us around. I cannot quite remember which. I know I threw water on him. I remember that clearly. He was mad because I got his hat wet and so he splashed me back. Poor Hare took one look at us and scrambled into the house as fast as he could; missing the greatest water fight I have ever been in. It was glorious. Hatter and I were both soaked through, and laughing fit to burst. We fell to the ground, all tangled up in each other, and just lay there, basking in the sunshine. He smelled of tea and honey. Many people say those things do not have a smell to them, but they are wrong. Tea and honey smell like Hatter, and Hatter smells like them. I remember so much about him – the sound of his voice, the way he holds his teacup, his mood swings. The one thing I recall most vividly? That golden afternoon I spent in his arms. I felt safe. Nothing has ever felt so right, before or since. He felt it too. His beautiful, bright eyes never left mine while he held me to his chest. In them was an unspoken promise that he would protect me from anything that wished me harm. I do not know how long we lay there, next to the tea table and our freshly washed dishes, but I know I was content to stay like that forever.


	3. Chapter Three

I would like to blame Rabbit, but it was not his fault. He always told me when I was late heading back to my family's home. _Don't go_, Hatter said. _Stay with me_. He would not let go of my hand. I told him that I had to tell my parents goodbye. They would miss me. _Don't start the tea party without me._ Cheshire too told me not to go. I should have listened – cats know things that others do not. Oh Hatter. _Hatter, why did I leave you?_


	4. Chapter Four

_AN: Sorry about the recent confusion – I finally figured out how to work the chapters, so I had to go through and put everything the way it's supposed to be. So here's the new chapter; let me know what you think. FYI, this chapter contains abuse and attempted rape. You have been warned._

Curse my tongue for uttering my innermost thoughts aloud. A brutish orderly passing by my room heard me crying and stopped to investigate. He heard me speak of Hatter, and he needed no further invitation to enter my room. The doctors – charlatans, who do not warrant the title – have given the staff strict instructions that I am to be severely punished if I am heard telling lies. This, of course, includes any mention of Wonderland and its inhabitants, whether to myself or not. What sort of punishment? _Use your imagination_, they said. Ralph is one of the nastier orderlies, always ready with a hand or knife to hurt and humiliate. I freely admit that he scares me during the day, in the company of others. In the dead of night, alone in my room, I dare not contemplate what he has in mind. A memory of Cheshire runs through my head. _Do not show your fear. It confuses those who prey on the weak._ I stand tall, but keep my eyes lowered so he cannot read them.

"Who are you talking to, little liar?" His words slur as he staggers toward me_. Heavens above, he's drunk!_ My fear doubles, triples in an instant.

"I was not talking to anyone, sir." Perhaps a show of respect will keep him calm and away from me.

"I heard you, liar." He peers around the small cell as if he is expecting to find someone. He sees no one but me. "Talking to yourself again, eh? You were warned about that." He takes another step toward me.

"I did not mean to sir. It just slipped out." I try to hide my shaking as he looms over me. The urge to back up when he steps forward is overwhelming, but I stand my ground. I will not let him back me into a corner.

"I don't believe you." Not expecting the blow, I stagger when he backhands me. He hit me in the face – they never do that. His drunkenness is obviously affecting his judgment. Not a reassuring thought.

"I am sorry sir." He is staring at me. I do not like the greedy look in his eyes. He turns abruptly and walks to the door. Is he leaving? _Please, let him leave._ He looks down the hallway in both directions before shutting the door and turning back to me. _No. What are you g oing to do?_

"Sing me a song."

"Sir?" What game is he playing?

"Better yet, recite me a poem." He locks the door behind him. "You know just the one, don't you?" He snickers and I cannot hide the loathing on my face. Of course I know what poem he is speaking of. How could I not? It is the anthem of this place, the theme song for the Asylum.

"I would rather not, sir. It is late, and I should like to. . ."My breath is knocked out of me as he slams me against the wall. His hand is on my throat, choking me, I cannot breathe! I claw at his hand._ I cannot breathe! Let me go, please, let me breathe!_ He lets go and I fall to the floor, gasping. He kicks me in the side, and I roll over.

"Did I ask what you would like to do, you little whore?" Kneeling next to me, he gently brushes my hair from my face. I smell the liquor on his breath when he leans closer to me. His face is inches from mine, and his voice is dangerously soft. "Now recite the damn poem." My breath catches in my throat when I inhale.

"We beat and we cut

The girl who's a slut. . ." Memories fill my mind, threatening to overwhelm me – flames and knives, ropes and canes, the scars left on my body. This poem is always there.

"The girl who tells lies

We choke 'til she dies. . ." I know it by heart; it takes no thought to speak the hated words.

"We break and we burn

The girl so she'll learn. . ." What does he want with me? What is he going to do?

"Her place in this world

And to be a good girl." I lay silent, Ralph still leaning over me, his eyes running up and down my body. _Stop looking at me like that, leave me alone!_

"We beat and we cut. . .we choke. . .we break and burn. . ." His words are becoming clearer. "You know, I think we've done all of those things. All but one. Know what I mean?"There is a wicked gleam in his leering eyes.

"No, I don't." I cry out as he thrusts a knee into my stomach.

"No you don't what?"

"No, I don't know what you mean, sir." He pins my arms down and I start to struggle in earnest. The feeling of dread in my stomach grows and he leans down to whisper in my ear.

"We haven't broken you yet." His lips crash down onto mine, and he straddles me. I can taste him as he presses his body onto mine – liquor and tobacco, nothing like Hatter's. The thought shocks me into momentary stillness. I had forgotten Hatter's kiss. _No! I am Hatter's. You have no right!_ Incensed, I bite down on Ralph's tongue. The coppery tang of blood fills my mouth. He yells and pulls back, a hand to his mouth. He sees the blood on it and growls. "You little slut!" He strikes my face again and again, until my vision starts to blur and my ears are ringing. "So you want to play rough, do you?" Standing up, he grabs my hair and drags me towards the barred window. I claw at his hand and his boot lashes out, connecting with my side. He pulls me up and pushes me against the bars, pressing my face against them. I raise my hands to push against them, but I pull them away from the bars in pain as he slashes at my arm. _Where did the knife come from?_

"That's right. Be a good girl, and I won't cut you." _Cut, not hurt._

"Liar," I hiss. He pulls my head back, and then slams it forward against the bars. I can imagine the smile on his face when a whimper escapes me.

"That's your name love. Not mine." How dare he call me that! He has no claim to me! I try to tear away, but I am trapped between the window and the full length of his body pressing against mine. I can feel his arousal through the thin fabric of my dress, and disgust fills me. I do not want this – it is wrong! But how to escape? He is almost twice my size, and he has a knife. Shame and anger fill me as I realize that I am afraid of the pain. I know he will not kill me. If there was the slightest chance that he would, I would leap for it. Death would take me away from this hell. There is no possibility of it though – these monsters will not give up any opportunity to torment me, and my death would deprive them of that pastime. Tears fill my eyes as I try to ignore his hands on me, wandering where they will. I will not cry in front of him. That much, at least, I can control.

_What was that?_ A flash of white on the grass below me. Was it my imagination? I was thinking of Rabbit earlier. No. No, that's him! I see Rabbit – he has found me!

"Rabbit," I whisper, and one of his ears twitches. He did always have the best hearing, better even than Hare. "Save me." He stares at me a second longer and nods his head before running back into woods.

"Still talking to yourself?" Ralph stops mauling my neck to speak, and he starts to rip my dress open, using his knife when he cannot grasp the fabric with his thick fingers. He is not careful with his blade, and I can feel it slice into my flesh as he runs it down my back. A scratching at the door interrupts him, and he turns, cursing, to walk unsteadily to the door. I fall to the floor without him to hold me up, my beaten body unable to support my weight. He opens the door, then slams it irritably when he sees no one there. He does not see the flash of purple at the foot of the door, the lightning blur that fills me with hope.

"Now, where were we?" He means to frighten me with his grin, but I know I am saved. Ralph no longer scares me.

"You were leaving, without finishing what you started." I stare up at him, not surprised to hear his laughter.

"You are a dreamer." He grabs me by the throat again, and I see stars as he lifts me to his eye level. "I'm not going anywhere until I'm done." I smile, and he frowns in confusion.

"Goodbye." He snarls, but before he can say anything, a flying bundle of razor sharp teeth and claws is upon him, slashing and biting at his neck. Ralph screams in terror, lurching backwards. Blood spurts from his throat as the sharp claws find their mark and slice into his jugular. He falls heavily to the floor, hand at his neck, trying to stop the rushing blood. His other hand clutches at me as a final breath gurgles through the holes in his throat. I look calmly past him to Cheshire Cat, who pads silently to my side.

"I knew you would find me." He chuckles.

"Actually, it was Rabbit who found you. I just came along for the ride." I laugh at him. I am certain he would never admit it, but I am sure he is glad to see me. _I hope he is glad to see me._

"Well, I am glad you did." He looks at me and grins, that toothy smile I have missed so much. Glancing back at Ralph's body, I shudder at the thought of what he almost did to me. I whisper a soft thanks to Cheshire while he sits cleaning his paws. He nods before starting to grow larger. "What are you. . .?"

"We must leave quickly, and you are in no condition to be running." The grin has left his face. "Unless you would prefer to stay here?"

"No!" The word is almost a shout. Panic claws at my chest, _he can't leave me_. "Please don't leave me here."

"Hush, kitten." Now the size of a small horse, he leans down and licks my cheek. The rough sandpaper of his tongue snaps me out of my panic. _Stupid girl. Cheshire wouldn't leave you. Not after saving you._ He lies on the floor next to me. "Get on. We haven't much time." I pull myself onto his back and wrap my arms around his neck. His fur is so soft. I want to lose myself in the sensation of it touching my skin. I cannot, however, unless I want to fall off. Maybe another time. We come to the door and I must let go for a moment to open it. Cheshire peers down the hallway. Seeing no one, we start for the door that leads outside. Outside. I have not been outside in such a long time. My heart starts beating faster. There are footsteps behind us – they must have heard Ralph's screams. The door – we must get to the door before they catch us! The hallway lengthens in my sight and the footsteps grow louder. This cannot happen. We are so close to freedom! Cheshire growls, and the hallway returns to its normal size. Two more steps and we are at the door, still ajar from when Cheshire came in. I can hear the attendants now, their yells jumbling into an incoherent noise. At least one of them is being violently ill in the corridor. I laugh. They can beat a helpless woman bloody every day, but they cannot stomach the sight of a grown man lying in his own blood. One more door, and the cool night air hits my face. I turn my head to look at the starts and bid them goodbye – Wonderland has its own stars, and I do not plan on seeing England's ever again. The thought does not sadden me, rather, I rejoice in the fact that I will not see these stars again. They have brought me nothing but heartache. Out in the open, Cheshire runs even faster towards the wood that grows behind the Asylum. I can see Rabbit near a pile of dirt. He is looking at his watch, as usual. I giggle, and he looks up.

"Alice!" he cries. "We're really very late. You must hurry." The portals to Wonderland only stay open for short amounts of time. I remember we almost got shut out once. Rabbit has the power to make new ones, but it takes time. We reach Rabbit, and he vanishes down the hole in the dirt, with Cheshire and I close behind. His muffled voice floats back to us. "Couldn't you have come any faster, you lazy housecat? We're almost out of time." Indeed, I can hear the whispering that heralds the closing of a portal. I glance behind us, but Cheshire does not seem worried – just annoyed.

"You're looking very tasty." I can just imagine how large his grin is getting. "And I am quite hungry after my recent. . .exertions." Rabbit does not respond, but he does move faster. Cheshire too, picks up his pace when the whispers grow louder. I stifle a moan when I am jarred and the pain from my injuries flares up with a vengeance. I had forgotten them in my excitement, but I can barely breathe, it hurts so badly. Cheshire's fur is matted with blood. _Where did it all come from? Surely Ralph did not have so much in him._ My vision starts to blur, but I try to ignore the pain and stay awake. I want to see Wonderland when we arrive. I do not want to miss anything.

Another bump and it feels like we are falling. There is a warm, golden glow beneath us, but I cannot see anything except Cheshire's neck. I try to focus on his fur; in this light the vibrant purple has changed to an odd shade of brown. I say it out loud, but my words are mumbled and slurred. I cannot. . .


	5. Chapter Five

Hey ducks, sorry it's been a while. Life is crazy, ya know that? Anyway, here's a chapter for you. I'll try to have the next one up asap. Just cuz I love you.

_It's warm_. This thought burrows into my mind, and lodges there. I do not wonder about it, though perhaps I should. For the first time in far too long, I am warm and comfortable. I did not wake to nightmares or the screams of my fellow inmates, but rather, the soft sound of birds greeting the morning. Soft voices are nearby; I cannot hear what they are saying, but it does not matter. Still half-asleep, I wish to fall back into the comforting darkness, but something else is making itself known to my consciousness. A dull ache, spreading slowly across my body, reminds me of last night's events. I grimace. There is no way I will be able to go back to sleep now. Not until I have seen Cheshire and Rabbit, to make sure it really happened_. Wait, was it last night? How long have I been asleep? Where am I? Is Hatter here?_ My eyes pop open, and all of my thoughts flee, frozen into silence. The room is white. The bed is white. There is nothing else in here but a simple dresser. It too, is white. _It is a room in the Asylum, it must be! It cannot be!_ Gasping for breath, I see the door. If it is locked, I will know for certain. _Please do not let it be locked!_ I scramble out of the bed, ignoring my body's protests when I knock my hurts against the wall and floor. I leap for the white door, frantically trying to get it open, but I cannot grasp the knob. I try again. This time it turns and the door opens outward. It pulls me forward, and I fall over.

"Alice!" Rabbit and Cheshire run towards me with worried looks on their faces. I feel someone squirming beneath me and I quickly roll over. Relief floods through me when I see the crazy, colorful interior of the rest of the house. This is most certainly not the Asylum.

"What choo thinkin', eh?" I turn to the person I just rolled off of, and stare for a moment while my brain catches up. He straightens his waistcoat and cap. "It ain't polite to fall on people you know." I start to laugh as I realize who it was I landed on. Rabbit looks to Cheshire, who is starting to grin, then crosses his arms with a look of annoyance on his face. Tears stream down my face and my stomach hurts, I am laughing so hard.

"It would be you, Bill," I manage to gasp out. The poor lizard scratches his head.

"O' course it's me. Who else would I be?"

"Never mind, Bill," Rabbit huffs. Tapping his foot, he continues, "Go on to your chores. The garden gate is unlocked."

"Alright, alright, I'm goin'." He ambles out the door, mumbling under his breath about crazy girls and bossy rabbits. My laughter slowly ebbs while I lay on the floor, staring at the colorful ceiling. The colors seem to be alive, swirling together, filling the air with their warmth. Colors that I am happy to see, and they seem to return the feeling. My body begins to complain, the cold, hard floor making me once more aware of the beating I took last night. If it was last night.

"How long have we been here?"

"How long do you think we've been here?" I give Cheshire a scathing glance and turn to Rabbit, who is fiddling with his watch. He looks up at me, then back down to the golden gleaming in his paws.

"Let's see. We bandaged you, then you slept, and we arrived, found you . . . no, wait, that's not right. We rescued you, then bandaged, no, that's still wrong." He continues to mumble, tapping his watch, and I cannot suppress a sigh. I raise my hand to push my hair back and I see a length of white cloth wrapped around my arm. That must be one of the bandages he is talking about. Dimly, I note the deep red that is slowly seeping through. I cannot take my eyes from it; it is such a beautiful color. Rabbit is still speaking; his utter fades to a comforting buzz in my ears. I feel paws on me, lifting me up and guiding me back towards the . . _. NO! I will not go back in there!_ I struggle against the gentle paws as they tighten their grip on me. I cannot breathe; I cannot go back to that white room. A wild cry tears itself from my throat, and I wrench myself backwards. Agony shoots through me when I land on the floor. I scramble away from the figures coming towards me, unable to see their faces. I cower against the wall, tears running down my face. I do not care if they see me cry anymore.

"Please," I sob. "Don't send me back to the Asylum. Please." The shadows stop and waver uncertainly. One backs away, and the other . . . it seems to shrink, but my vision is blurred, I cannot see. A heartbeat, and there is something beneath my hands. Unthinking, I grasp it and pull it close to my chest. It is soft, and as my sobs weaken, I feel a deep rumbling coming from it. A soothing sound. I start to calm, slowly realizing that it is Cheshire I am holding. I gaze into his bright green eyes and he gently pats my face. I wish I could see what he sees. The last thing I feel before falling asleep again is his rough tongue licking away my tears.


	6. Chapter Six

"Cheshire?" A tentative whimper before I open my eyes.

"Here, kitten." I feel his fur beneath my hands and fresh tears make their way down my face when I realize that it was not a dream. I truly am in Wonderland.

"I am feeling much better, I promise." Rabbit has not let me leave the house in the four days that I have been awake. I know he means well, but I am anxious to see Hatter. He must not know that I am back, or I am sure he would have come to find me. Rabbit fusses over the bandage he is changing and I stare at the wound on my arm. It appears to be healing nicely, and it will leave a pretty scar to add to the rest of my collection.

"Well, I'd like you to rest for another day, at the least." I look at Rabbit as though he is crazy.

"Another day? I've been here for at least five already!" They still will not tell me how long I was asleep for, but it cannot have been too long – I am not yet fully healed.

"You're still in no condition to be up and about." I hate the smug tone in his voice. It does not suit him. I hear a clock chime in the distance, and it gives me an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. I do not know why, but the longer I am here, the more uneasy I get. It does not make sense – I am safe here. And it is never when I think of England, more when I am reminded of time passing. Being around Rabbit does not help; he is always checking his watch. I have hidden it several times already. Not only is it amusing, but it gives me a moment of peace when I cannot hear it ticking. I must get out of this house, I must find Hatter.

"Aren't you later for something?" I ask Rabbit in a bored voice. He looks at me blankly for a moment, then his eyes widen and he gives a little yelp.

"Oh my! How could I forget?" He scurries outside to the garden and grabs his waistcoat from the clothesline. Coming back into the house, he starts sifting through the pockets of everything in the room. He is most likely looking for his watch, which I have not touched today. It is lying on the table with his fan and gloves. I point and he runs to them. "I'm to herald the Queen's croquet game today. Oh, I am terribly late." What a surprise – I had meant the question facetiously, but to find out that he actually has somewhere to be. What luck! Cheshire has not yet returned, which means Rabbit shall have to leave me here alone.

"Well, if you're going to leave, I suppose I shall lie back down." He does not appear to hear me as he rushes about, gathering his things. I make my way to my nest of blankets by the garden and lay on top of them. He flies past me, still mumbling to himself. I never thought I would be so happy to see him leave.

_Sorry if this seems a little choppy – I've got a bit of writer's block, but I had this written and wanted to get something up for you all before work starts up again. I know where the story is going, up to a certain point, but I'm not quite sure how it gets there yet. My muse is, of course, in hibernation because I have a little time to write. I fully expect her to start flaunting her shimmery self the moment I have no time at all. As always, let me know what you think. _


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